Live Blogging: Watch Me Try to Cancel Two AOL Accounts (Updated).

AOL is blocked through my work. Use Google to find customer service number.

Dial number, connected with Diane. Tell her I want to cancel two accounts. Am told she will have to transfer me to cancellations. Give her the one screen name I remember, verify my pet's name, transfered to cancellation department.

"The number you have dialed is not available. Please try again later."

I am disconnected.

Fortunately, Diane has given me the direct number to the cancellations department.

Dialing now.

UPDATE:

I tell the automated system that I am a current customer, and my phone number. I spell my screen name. The only one I know.

My account information has been pulled up.

I select "Cancellations."

"Did you know that AOL provides you with one of the most comprehensive security suites on the market?"

The system asks, and I respond with my pet's name.

"Great, we're all set. I appreciate your taking the time to help me with that."

I am on hold.

UPDATE:

I am on the phone with Tiffany. Again, I have to tell her my screen name. Again, I have to tell her my pet's name.

She tells me I can keep AOL even though I have high speed.

I tell her I don't care.

She tells me about the security that AOL gives.

I tell her I don't care. I tell her I never want to see another AOL bill.

She tells me they billed me on 11/11, and that I have a month prepaid. Am I sure I want to cancel?

Yes. I never want to see another AOL bill.

Tiffany has been silent for over a minute. I think she might be eating something.

She tells me my account has been canceled and reads me mumbo jumbo.

One part sticks out: "You will be responsible for any charges incurred." I ask her what this means. She says, "I have no clue."

I am given a confirmation number, and as I start to ask questions, she continues reading a script. She says I will be transfered so I can hear important information on cancelling my account.

"WAIT," I yell. I have two accounts. They both need to be cancelled."

I am disconnected.

UPDATE:

I have to tell the automated system that I am a customer. Again. My phone number, again. My screen name, again. My pet's name, again. I am thanked for saying "Truman," again. It says my account is cancelled. I need to talk about the other. I select "Consultant." I am on hold. Again.

UPDATE:

The hold music appears to be Jimi Hendrix.

I am now on the phone with Leticia. I think she is in India.

She asks, and I tell her it's okay to call me Adam.

I tell her my address.

She searches for my other account.

I tell her my cat's name.

She gives me my other screen name.

She transfers me to Cancellations.

I am on hold.

I am talking to Brandon. He apologizes for my being on hold and says I've pre-verified.

I tell him I do not want to keep AOL.

He says they will drop the price to $7.99.

I tell him I do not want to keep AOL.

I am read mumbo jumbo and transfered.

A mean recording is telling me they are sorry I've cancelled. This guy sounds pissed. He would love to welcome me back, he says, but I don't believe him. This guy sounds like the kind of guy who would beat up his girlfriend.

I am waiting for a confirmation number. the other guy told me I'd get a confirmation number. I did not.

I press zero to get back to a customer service rep.

I am talking to Bertha.

I have to tell them my pet's name again.

She tells me she loves high speed. She tells me I can keep AOL with my high speed. She tells me about their security.

She gives me my confirmation number.

This is done.

Or..... is it?

I Need to be More Industrious.

No one bought my candle.

Hopefully, I will have more luck with my hat and bandana.